I've Moved Back

So I've finally moved back in to my apartment. Things are going great. I haven't looked at pornography in a long time. Not since April 27th-ish.
I've been reading my books, and I have come across a quote that I'd like to share with you.

"Real life is response to the best within us. To be alive only to appetite, pleasure, pride, money-making, and not to goodness and kindness, purity, and love, poetry, music, flowers, stars, God and eternal hopes, is to deprive oneself of the real joy of living."

they go on to cite some beliefs of those who affirm their own worth and send value to others.

* All persons, including self, are of infinite worth.
* Behavior, for the most part, is learned.
* Misbehavior is almost always a symptom of some other problem. (e.g., pornography is an escape from emotional frustration or lonliness)
*Behavior is almost invariable belief linked.

The main particular reason I am sharing these passages, is because I myself have been sending these messages to people online, in the myspace forums.
I have met a person who, my words have meant a great deal to. He is struggling with his own problems (Pornography, is not one of which), but these rules are general rules and do not deal only to pornography addicts. I believe that there are many people who live their lives day to day, acting only on how they've been treated instead of deciding their own actions.

Through the things that I've done, I've learned to decide what I will do when I am faced with a difficult situation. Instead of just letting my feelings rule the day.

I've also decided that this would be a great forum for me to post my own thoughts on other issues. But I will go off on those issues later.

anyway, since I've been home, things feel a lot different. I've been acting a lot different than I used to. I'd like to see myself as a different person now. But I know that I am the same old Ian, if I want to be. I just choose not to let my feelings control my life, like I used to.

The other night, Melissa tells me that she had been considering dating again before I moved back into my apartment. I would have considered it highly offensive. Despite that she has the right to do it, we've been hoping on getting back together. I used to spend 3-4 nights a week back here before I finally moved. So to me, it's felt like we only took some time apart to better ourselves, not to search for another. Anyway, she said that she isn't going to do it. But I know her, and I know she might think about it later going 'What if I hadn't gone back with Ian?'

I love her so much.
Anyway, I'm breaking her trust right now, because I told her I wouldn't go on the computer, but after reading my book, I really felt like I needed to make a blog entry before I went to bed.
Today I've received the most in tips that I've ever gotten. I got roughly about 80 bucks, but I spent about $16 on pizzas to bring home for my family. And 18 of that went to my paycheck because it was a credit/debit transaction.

I've decided that I'm going to ask her to ask me more invasive questions about my habits. I want her to ask me not just, 'Did you look at porn today?' but 'Did you think about looking? What caused that thought? When you felt like looking, what else was going on? Have you fantasized about sex?' and some more that I can't think of right now.

Anyway, I'm feeling a lot better now. I'm feeling more confident and stronger. I know that I'm going to kick this awful habit.