When I was younger, I was obsessed with degradation of the flesh, both morally and physically.
Zombies and Porno.
Risking both the loss of life and the creation of it.
Melissa does not love me.
Melissa tells me her friends think I'm cool, but apparently not.
It feels like I've wasted so much time. So much of my life already gone.
I have created life with another human being, twice.
Yet I have killed none.
Pornography is a stupid way out, so is suicide and murder.
The feelings we get when we're pushed to the edge.
Life, death, love, hate, apathy, joy...
All of these are things people must experience.
When it hurts, I feel like I need to make someone or something else feel as sorry as I am.
Whether it be my body, my mind, my spirit, some one or something else. I feel like I must destroy.
I would kill myself before anyone else.
Every one must journey. Must feel out the many paths of life and decide which is the right path for them.
I stand to have potentially the best job I've had in my life so far, and yet my relationship is in shambles.
This is what happens when you let kids play grown-up. What happens when you fail to teach your kids the right path.
When ignorance rears it's ugly head.
I'd rather die than go on living.
But with so many things to look forward to, how can I possibly do such a stupid thing?
This is depression. This is insanity.
I've tried hard, but am I not to blame?
It is my responsibility, and I've let so many down.
Do I deserve to live?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I am sorry you are having these awful feelings. You sound like you need someone to talk to. Do you have a good, close friend you could talk to? I want to be the first to say yes, you deserve to live. You are human and you have a heart and feelings and you are not perfect but, here's some news for you. NOBODY is :) I urge you to talk to someone because you sound like you are upset and hurting.
Think of it this way. Your kids deserve to have a father. A father that loves them. I think it is obvious you do love them. I think suicide is a selfish way out because sure it stops your pain, but what about the pain your kids would have growing up without you. They need their daddy. Teach them what you wish people had taught you. I looked at your other videos and it seems like you are a good dad.
Post a Comment