god damn it

ok so
I'm single again.

it's sort of a long story, but it starts with my band getting their first gig, I spent a lot of time practicing and trying to get better, and my stats at my job started to wane.

then after the gig, the band kicked me out.
why did they do that? because I don't know how to play bass, and they knew that, but still it hurt me anyway, because they knew that I liked hanging out and that I wanted to help write songs still.

So it felt like I had lost my friends.

then, when driving in Mesa to drop the kids off at the sitter, which I was completely and wholly against taking the kids to Mesa, and it wasn't even my turn to drive, I got a speeding ticket, oh well that's on me, I am the one who sped.

So anyway, turns out my license was not valid for the past 2 years. Yup, no license what so ever. So anyway, I go ahead and get that taken care of, and now I do have a license, but I'm going to have to pay $300 in fines to the Mesa courts.

GOD DAMN IT.

So anyway, I finally get a little money and I decide that I need a new phone, I buy a new phone, and guess what happens?
My xbox 360 dies, that's right, it's the dreaded red ring of death, mother fucker, go DIAF.

So, I may have told you a while back, may not have, that Melissa smashed a beer over my xbox 360 in an argument, so I mention to her, I say "hey, they may not take my xbox 360 back because of the beer on it. I may take up this friends offer to buy his." and she freaks out and says she's breaking up with me.

Why is she breaking up with me? Because I've been depressed due to all the things going on in my life. All sorts of shitty things like I've outlined here, through out all of it my work performance continues to suffer and I just feel like a complete piece of shit.

What the fuck?! am I right?

So anyway, going on past the break up, lately I've been having issues with my computer at work which have been really frustrating, it's really hard to get any work done when your computer is royally fucked. they even replaced it, and the new one didn't work, they did some work on it then, and it still didn't work.
I'm just getting beat on, and beat on, and beat on.

So I asked my buddy if he would send me his replacement xbox, and he is just going to let me borrow it, and usps shows it as being collected but I didn't receive a notice that it was dropped off or anything. It's fucking terrible, I think someone stole my friends xbox before I could even see it.

Anyway, now I suspect that Melissa has found someone new to love, her myspace says she's feeling amorous and she wrote this wonderful love poem about meeting a person she hasn't met for years.

I'm struggling to live, to make it through the day, I can't stand this, all I need it some love, and I can't get that any where, not from anyone.

I am alone, I am forgotten.

All I can do is sit here in my pain, I can't discuss it with anyone because no body cares to discuss it. I just want to die, I don't want to live any longer, I can't stand it! All this over bearing pain, it's a goddamn killer.