newest developments

hey
i've been blogging alot on myspace.
so I figure I ought to blog here.

my friend has been banned from speaking to me.
her boyfriend has taken it upon himself to see me as a threat to his home, and calls me a homewrecker.

When in all reality, it is him who is wrecking their home.
Despite her oath to him, to stop talking to me, she still contacts me, because I am her friend.
She does greatly value our friendship and this is something I'm quite proud of.

Anyway, it appears as if he is starting to admit he has a problem, I've heard word that he is going to try to get medication for his problem.

however I don't believe medication will solve this issue, at least not alone.
medication might offer some temporary relief, but the issues they have going on at home, with his lack of respect towards her, is not something that medication alone can solve.
In order for him to change, he has to change his whole point of view. He has to realize how brilliant she actually is.

Anyway, this is not a blog on THEIR relationship or THEIR life, so I will bring this back around to my point of view.


What do I hope to achieve: Happiness for my friend, but also to have an elevated relationship with my friend (perhaps girlfriend?)
What I feel: I feel that he will never change, and that she should stop wasting her time and kick him out. Start the healing process now.
What I've done: I've done my best to be a good friend, and try to keep from coming at this with romantic intentions. Even though that's what I hope to achieve, she needs a friend right now, and not someone chasing after her.
How I Feel: Bipolar. At times I feel ok, maybe even happy, other times I feel distraught. Mostly because I have no one to talk to.
My Plans: My plans are just to try to be a good friend and stick it out, if I will achieve my goal, it will have to be through letting time decide. Although, I will be a good friend to Monica and help her in determining things if she asks. Like, letting her know that I think he needs more than medication.

In other news:
I refuse to pay $400 a month to my ex for child rearing. I do admit money should be paid, but no where near $400 a month. I have to move out of my dads place and I'm never going to get anywhere if I give her all my money.

her response to this, has been to DECREASE what she feels is acceptable time for me to see my kids.

Apparently you have to pay to play.

Not seeing my kids has caused me a great amount of grief and anger. I miss my boys. I love them so much.

I have been so lonely lately, I've considered calling up the she-bitch herself just to have someone to talk to, if she'd entertain me.
But I've stayed away from dropping to such a low.

Things have been particularly on edge lately, and I'm starting to get sick of it. I just want to have a friend to talk to, I don't want to worry about sneaking around, or having to wait for her to call me.

blogging has been my outlet, and unfortunately it only provides a little relief.