OK so

this post is going to act as two things: to give a summary as of events thus far and to discuss why I got where I am at now.

So, last Friday 08/07/09, I went to the First Friday event in Phoenix, to see my old band play.

I had a pretty good time too, I sang along, met some people, helped out, got "hired" back on as a writer.

I'm really looking forward to writing some more songs, and I have some ideas set aside right now that I want to develop.

Anyway, I get home at about 11:30, and I find Melissa there making out with some guy.

I was devastated, Melissa, with some dude, in my own house, so close after breaking up.
She says we never discussed that, but I CLEARLY remember us saying that was uncool.

And she goes "It's my house too."

No, no it's not, because you're moving out. This is my house - I will still be here when you are gone.

Anyway, I don't know if I was just stupid or being sentimental, but we slept together and I had a beer and a smoke, and then I went to bed.

I don't talk with her much now. Don't really want to. I don't even really like being around her.

I suppose I can't be blamed for it.

So anyway, She's working hard to try to buy a new car, and the dealerships want her to have a co-signer, I just told her good luck with that. I'm NOT going to let her have any more sway over me than she already has.

I am NOT paying for her car either. Now if we were together, it would be a different story, I'd be glad to help out, but as it is, I am not going to co-sign anything. If she wants to drive to the dealerships, go ahead, take the car, if she wants to get information about cars, sure thing, but when it comes to money, my money is mine and I have to watch out for myself, because she doesn't have my back. I have to be my own hero, because nobody is going to save me.


So today, I was outside smoking, and I was thinking about how she has said that she wanted romance, and how I'm not very good at it. When I think about it, we never really were romantic, we didn't have a song, we didn't really date so much. It was mostly ever physical.
Is it that I'm not romantic? I don't think so, I think it's just that I'm not inspired.
One thing that makes it kind of difficult though, is through living together, we're sort of sharing the same life. So it makes it difficult to communicate, because what has been going on in my life, is the same for her, and we literally have nothing to talk about other than really uninteresting boring stuff.

Especially when neither of us has much of a life outside our kids.

I really hope that in the future I'm able to avoid this strange sameness, this shared being. I mean, you have to go and do stuff, and when I got kicked out of my band I couldn't do anything like that, I couldn't feel like going out or talking to anybody.

Now that I have done that a little bit, it feels good, and I'm definitely going to do it again.