Counseling

Yes, I'm being Counseled by a Pastor.
It's not so bad, in fact it might just be what I needed.

I'm a little wary though.
I'm afraid he might be trying to entice me into religion with promises of bringing my love back to me.

When I put it like that, sure it sounds bad.

We were talking, and I told him that I didn't want to cling to a hope that Melissa might return to me, it would cause me too much pain.

He asked me, 'What is hope?'
To which, I replied 'A wish, a prayer.'
'Those are good, but did you ever consider that hope relies on some external force to somehow change things towards your favor. Unlike Faith, in which you have a goal and you work towards it.'

'So, you're implying if I have faith, I may once again have my family back?'

'Yes.'

I am at a weak point in my life, where my feelings and thoughts could possibly be swayed easier than I'd like. Because I'm aware of this, perhaps I'm stronger. He thinks joining the Navy would be a good idea.
As it would provide structure, and self discipline.

Things I would like very much to have, and it would guarantee my children have money and insurance. Very important things.

I am beginning to suspect perhaps Melissa is doing some things to intentionally get under my skin.
For years, whenever she dyed her hair, I suggested Red, because I thought it'd be sexy.
Sunday she died her hair red, because Brom thought it'd be sexy.
Today, she told me she was going to be treating brom to steaks, and she knows I love steaks.

I think maybe she's trying to get a reaction out of me. Even if she isn't, I'm certain she knows about these things.
I'm not going to give in to anger.

Today was Melissa's birthday. I called her to wish her happy birthday, and asked when I could see my boys again, she said Saturday. I also apologized for going to her house on Sunday, and sobbing.
she apparently is very upset with me for doing that. I don't understand why. She didn't care to talk about it then.
She apparently had Brom meet her parents.

I don't know what's going on, but from my point of view, it looks like again, she's either trying to get a rise out of me, or is trying to push memories of me away with this new guy.
It's not really my business to know what she did down to a T, but this is what she told me.
I don't remember asking what in detail.

I'd be lying to say I don't still love her a little, but I feel like I am getting over it. If you disagree, please tell me.