Why does everything seem so overwhelming?

Hello Blog,
It's been a while.
I'm sorry I don't talk to you as much as I used to. I find myself being very busy with all the trouble that's going on. Or just being lazy with new games.

For a long time, I was being a good friend, with one of my friends. Until one time, when she made a joke that I didn't at first realize was a joke.

It made me think.

Think about how much of a waste it's all been.

My friend thinks my ex and I will get back together in the Spring.

I'm so torn on whether or not I'd want to go back.
I miss her, I'm lonely, I want my children to be happy, to live in a clean home, a happy home.

Melissa has been extra friendly to me recently. Which is something I don't quite understand. I figured she'd just want to be amicable, instead of 'how's it going buddy?'

Because I still hurt so much, I push her away. I don't want to hurt anymore.
I'm cold because I love her.

I'm tired of feeling this way, I think part of the reason why I want to be back with her, is so that I can avoid moving out and being on my own.

Misery loves company, and I feel miserable.


I don't even feel like I can talk to her about this. Or anyone really.

Apparently I really pissed off and insulted my friend, by sharing some of my feelings with her. I'm sorry for it.

She told me that perhaps she should distance herself from me, because of some things on her end. Which makes me sad, because she's my friend. I have so few of those.

Anyone else feel like a big ball of disappointment?

Anyway, I got myself a new car, a 1998 Nissan Sentra. It's a gas hog (20 mpg..), but it's wheels. It's a manual transmission too, so I've had the pleasure of learning how to use it.

Today, I picked up my boys and took my mom out, we all had a great time. My boys hadn't seen their grandmother in a while, so they were a little confused, but by the end of the night, they were best pals.

Work is going well. I have really good stats.
I'm still concerned about being late, they're really tough on that. last week I was late coming back from breaks twice in one day, by only a minute.

What a pain!!

Anyway, my supervisor wants me to start teaching other people on how to do their job. So that's pretty cool.

Well, I feel like I've run out of things to talk about.

a few songs I enjoy as of late:

Hurt - Falls Apart

We finish and wish we could start again
Our skin tears away as our memories fade with age
And we don't even know 'til its gone...
But everything just fell apart
'Cause everything just falls apart for me


Queens Of The Stone age - Go With The Flow

She said "i'll throw myself away,
They're just photos after all"
I can't make you hang around.
I can't wash you off my skin.

Falling in and out of love
Something sweet to throw away.
I want something good to die for
To make it beautiful to live.
I want a new mistake,



I like to listen to some sounds that reckon with the pain in me.