It's Coming

me and my friends have something funny to show you, but I can't put it out yet, we're still working on it, refining it. Life is worth living, and so is waiting for this.

Be Patient

So,
things have been pretty nuts.

Melissa is constantly getting migraines, constantly I'm relying on her to do things around the house, just as she relies on me, but she can't follow through, because she's sick.

She blames me for the state of things.

And then my neighbors apartment catches fire, causing many necessary for the moment purchases, very frustrating.

As well as those hospital visits, thing I have to take care of, gas, baby sitting, extra food with no time to cook.

I'm short on money, short on patience, short on time, in an apartment filled with filth.
I just want to enjoy life, like we all do..

Some time ago, Melissa told me she loved me, I turned her away because I didn't love her, I didn't trust her.
After the fire, I felt like I could trust her, like I could love her.
I told her I loved her.

She told me, she loves me, but she can't live with me, because I don't share her same ethic for a clean house.

I see it all too clearly.
She's moving out with Rachel.

I knew it all along.
I can't financially sustain my current living position and pay the child support. It's easy for me to live with her to take care of things, because I take care of my rent and my usual, and she takes care of the child care and doesn't worry about rent.

I've bared my soul to her, through all sorts of mediums. through talking, through emails, through texts.

What am I left with?
She replies 'i have nothing to say.'

Has she no mind, no soul of her own, no feelings?!
That she does, but I've hurt her I suppose.
That night... Total destruction for one, baptismal for another.
I'm spinning on a wheel that's on fire, grinding into the asphalt, shaking off it's axel, leaning towards a fault line, and I'm all out of air.

Baptismal for destruction.

All around me, it's all I ever seem to cause, is pain and disappointment. Yet I see it all coming.

Is it sadistic that I do nothing to change? That I deny what is before me? Despite my futile efforts I couldn't change it anyway, not without doing something far more drastic than I could ever comprehend.

Perhaps I will put in for a new job...