A lot of people have a really low opinion of technical support reps.
Think they're stupid.
And I suppose that's a good thing, because in my position, half the time I'd rather have them think 'oh he wouldn't know anything, i better call someone else.' and not waste my time, with their inability to even know what the fuck a startmenu is or that the fact their speakers aren't working means their goddamn internet is out.
jesus fucking christ there are some idiots out there.
every now and then though, you get someone who knows what they're talking about, these people aren't so bad, but usually they try to get you to do something, that you could get in trouble with.
I'm not going to manage your router, even if I know how. I'm not going to go outside of my scope of support. If I did that, I could lose my job. Why? why would I do that? Why risk my job just to help your dumbass setup a router. If you don't know how, don't ask me. You have the internet, that's the whole goddamn world at your mother fucking finger tips.
And you go 'oh gee, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, I better call my ISP.'
Well fuck you douche bag. Take the time to learn something and maybe you won't be so fucking clueless all the goddamn time. Cocksucker.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Too Human
Alright boys and girls,
every body seems to be doing it, so I suppose it's time I do it.
here is my experience, my review, of Too Human.
Now, I can't say I was typically excited about this game from the start. I read a couple articles about how Dennis was extremely pissed at Epic about engine changes and the like, I mostly just thought the whole situation was retarded.
After playing a little bit of the game, I did a little more history on it, apparently the game follows some sort of Norse mythology, where instead of being Gods, the characters are regular humans with bionic implants (you know, I just recently rebought Deus Ex..). This concept, to me, is fairly laughable. But I decided 'I'll go along with it, sure, I played a plumber who eats mushrooms to get bigger and last longer.'
Anyway, my first real experience with the game, was when I was at a friends house, watching the demo being played.
I thought to myself 'lol, he's destroying robots, he's not actually fighting, he shouldn't get any experience points, unless you count beating up a wall as something worth giving experience for.'
But again, I've seen weirder things in games, so we continue.
I thought the combat system was pretty cool, being able to slide over to opponents and using the right stick for attacks was fairly awe inspiring, if not reminiscient of Geometry Wars or Everyday shooter..
Later, after watching the demo, and considering it a piece of shiat, I decided I might buy the game, to have a laugh with a friend of mine, play some co-op and just find the game amazingly fun, to make fun of. I had the chance of pre-ordering it, five minutes before it got to the store, so of course I took them up on it.
i brought it home, and let it sit for a while, i'm a busy guy, got my kids to look after, you know.
when i finally did get to sitting down to it, it was maybe 7:00pm, i took my pre-order trial code, it wasn't active. Called my buddy up, his code wasn't active either. 'oh well' we said 'just keep playing.'
anyway, the worst aspect of this game, has to be death.
When you die, you get a nice little animation of a Valkyrie coming down and bringing your body to Valhalla, every time, unskippable. You get to sit there and watch this process, sometimes fairly frequently, as you will often time die due to glitches in the game, many of which spawn from dying in the first place.
after the valkyrie ascends with your corpse to heaven, you are respawned in the area. Now how close or far you are from the action apparently depends greatly, on the weather, time of day, and how the game is feeling at the time. You could spawn at the beginning of the level (very annoying if you were in the heat of a boss battle) or right back in the fray (which can also be annoying because usually after you die, you get up and make yourself a sandwich because the goddamn valkyrie takes too goddamn long.)
Anyway, once you do respawn, you are treated to a lottery of set backs, the first being the programmed ones (damage taken to your armor/weapons) and the second is whether or not your hud will appear (happens very frequently on the final level), whether or not your long range weapons will target appropriately, whether or not your team mates have decimated the enemies, and your chance at leveling up, whether or not your team mates are living anymore, and whether or not you've returned the game at this point, you could experience the pleasure of using your returned monies to play a better game.
Death is bad, very bad, so bad, I'd rather not play the game. I mean, no one has to say dying must be fun (except for those guys over at Pain! of course), and you don't have to instantly respawn I guess, I mean, look at many of our wonderful first person shooters, like counter-strike source for example, if you die early on in the round, you have to wait sometimes more than 20 minutes for the round to end, or the map which ever one comes first.
But the fundamental flaw, with having to wait after dying in this game is, is that while in first person shooters, and etc where you die, usually the action keeps going, in this either your troops go ahead and waste whatever enemies that killed you (and steal your precious XP and loots), or your troops are either wasted or just plain disappear. You don't make any progress by dying. You aren't really set back too much either, you don't lose experience or money by dying, just your armor takes damage, and that could mean something if you like your armor and want to repair it, but in this game, armor and weapon upgrades are frequent, i find that I upgrade 2-3 times during a level anyway, although dying happens much more frequently.
Now, I also mentioned above that your HUD disappears, you don't know how frustrating that can be. Maybe you've played the game already, so maybe you do, but..
dear god is it awful.
you no longer know how much health you have, how much ammo, whether or not you're near your ruiner (special move) or the status of your spider (another special move kind of thing). It's just.. fuck a donkey's ass.. god damn it... fuck it!
I mean, seriously, it's such a goddamn piece of fucking shit, this game, seriously, this game is suppose to drive us NUTS Dennis?! more like it SUCKS NUTS Dennis, just like your mother.
Despite this, there are many other shitty aspects to the game.
Being unable to aim at the correct target (often times, the auto aim, instead of aiming at the target directly infront of you, will target the enemy a couple degrees to the left, and about a million fucking miles away!) It's so fucking annoying, I mean, the guy you want to target is RIGHT there, I mean, you could measure the distance between the two and I'm willing to bet that you'd need a hadron collider to get an accurate measurement.
Weapons and armor all look really cool, but with the constant upgrades to armor and weapons that you get, it almost becomes pointless. Many weapons have their own specific model, many are just reskins, but usually you'll find that your characters appearance changes frequently, without a real model viewer or an ability to close up on your character, you'll find that the majority of the time you'll be forgetting pieces of armor rather than admiring them. While this is a neat feature to be able to have many different types of models for weapons and armor, it doesn't really make a difference in the end game, so a feature that could have been fun, if explored more in depth, is passed, but who really cares what he looks like anyway? I mean, I'd dress him up in a paris hilton mockup outfit if it gave me superior stats.
Storyline..
Now, don't crucify me, just because I don't know Norse Mythology. There's nothing on the box, no kind of warning at startup, that if you don't fall in to this small number of people who know, or are at least familliar with Norse mythology, you're fairly much boned as far as understanding what in the hel (lol) is going on.
Basically, you're Baldur, son of Odin, except not. you're Baldur, some crazy ass bionically advanced human being who is the son of ODIN.. which I can only guess is some kind of ghetto ass machine that fuses kitchen appliances into people.
Now what sort of cybernetic gains might you have, now that you're part of the borg? try nothing, yup none whatsoever, except you have some cracks in your skull that emanate light beams and keep your ass up at night while you're trying to catch some shut eye because you gotta beat up some trolls in the morning.
Anyway, back on topic, you're cybernetic Baldur, and Hod just recently killed you and your wife, why? because he thought you were Loki of course!
You have to be a fan of day time soap operas to enjoy this, I tried to get into it, seeing Loki's daughter was a fairly shocking experience, as well as those oracles, I don't want to give away too much, but some of it was fairly interesting, but that doesn't mean I knew what was going on.
as far as believability goes for this game, it's right out the window, this is a very scifi/fantasy title, where some of the technical advances don't make sense. But I mean, we can accept Halo and Super Mario Bros and Hyrule, so why not this?
Mostly because to understand it, you need to know Norse mythology, or at least be familliar with it. Because of all these things, this game is horrible, I'd rather swim through ten thousand yards of elephant shit that's on fire, and take a salt bath afterwards than play this game again.
I mean, this game is shit. Fuck you Dennis!
every body seems to be doing it, so I suppose it's time I do it.
here is my experience, my review, of Too Human.
Now, I can't say I was typically excited about this game from the start. I read a couple articles about how Dennis was extremely pissed at Epic about engine changes and the like, I mostly just thought the whole situation was retarded.
After playing a little bit of the game, I did a little more history on it, apparently the game follows some sort of Norse mythology, where instead of being Gods, the characters are regular humans with bionic implants (you know, I just recently rebought Deus Ex..). This concept, to me, is fairly laughable. But I decided 'I'll go along with it, sure, I played a plumber who eats mushrooms to get bigger and last longer.'
Anyway, my first real experience with the game, was when I was at a friends house, watching the demo being played.
I thought to myself 'lol, he's destroying robots, he's not actually fighting, he shouldn't get any experience points, unless you count beating up a wall as something worth giving experience for.'
But again, I've seen weirder things in games, so we continue.
I thought the combat system was pretty cool, being able to slide over to opponents and using the right stick for attacks was fairly awe inspiring, if not reminiscient of Geometry Wars or Everyday shooter..
Later, after watching the demo, and considering it a piece of shiat, I decided I might buy the game, to have a laugh with a friend of mine, play some co-op and just find the game amazingly fun, to make fun of. I had the chance of pre-ordering it, five minutes before it got to the store, so of course I took them up on it.
i brought it home, and let it sit for a while, i'm a busy guy, got my kids to look after, you know.
when i finally did get to sitting down to it, it was maybe 7:00pm, i took my pre-order trial code, it wasn't active. Called my buddy up, his code wasn't active either. 'oh well' we said 'just keep playing.'
anyway, the worst aspect of this game, has to be death.
When you die, you get a nice little animation of a Valkyrie coming down and bringing your body to Valhalla, every time, unskippable. You get to sit there and watch this process, sometimes fairly frequently, as you will often time die due to glitches in the game, many of which spawn from dying in the first place.
after the valkyrie ascends with your corpse to heaven, you are respawned in the area. Now how close or far you are from the action apparently depends greatly, on the weather, time of day, and how the game is feeling at the time. You could spawn at the beginning of the level (very annoying if you were in the heat of a boss battle) or right back in the fray (which can also be annoying because usually after you die, you get up and make yourself a sandwich because the goddamn valkyrie takes too goddamn long.)
Anyway, once you do respawn, you are treated to a lottery of set backs, the first being the programmed ones (damage taken to your armor/weapons) and the second is whether or not your hud will appear (happens very frequently on the final level), whether or not your long range weapons will target appropriately, whether or not your team mates have decimated the enemies, and your chance at leveling up, whether or not your team mates are living anymore, and whether or not you've returned the game at this point, you could experience the pleasure of using your returned monies to play a better game.
Death is bad, very bad, so bad, I'd rather not play the game. I mean, no one has to say dying must be fun (except for those guys over at Pain! of course), and you don't have to instantly respawn I guess, I mean, look at many of our wonderful first person shooters, like counter-strike source for example, if you die early on in the round, you have to wait sometimes more than 20 minutes for the round to end, or the map which ever one comes first.
But the fundamental flaw, with having to wait after dying in this game is, is that while in first person shooters, and etc where you die, usually the action keeps going, in this either your troops go ahead and waste whatever enemies that killed you (and steal your precious XP and loots), or your troops are either wasted or just plain disappear. You don't make any progress by dying. You aren't really set back too much either, you don't lose experience or money by dying, just your armor takes damage, and that could mean something if you like your armor and want to repair it, but in this game, armor and weapon upgrades are frequent, i find that I upgrade 2-3 times during a level anyway, although dying happens much more frequently.
Now, I also mentioned above that your HUD disappears, you don't know how frustrating that can be. Maybe you've played the game already, so maybe you do, but..
dear god is it awful.
you no longer know how much health you have, how much ammo, whether or not you're near your ruiner (special move) or the status of your spider (another special move kind of thing). It's just.. fuck a donkey's ass.. god damn it... fuck it!
I mean, seriously, it's such a goddamn piece of fucking shit, this game, seriously, this game is suppose to drive us NUTS Dennis?! more like it SUCKS NUTS Dennis, just like your mother.
Despite this, there are many other shitty aspects to the game.
Being unable to aim at the correct target (often times, the auto aim, instead of aiming at the target directly infront of you, will target the enemy a couple degrees to the left, and about a million fucking miles away!) It's so fucking annoying, I mean, the guy you want to target is RIGHT there, I mean, you could measure the distance between the two and I'm willing to bet that you'd need a hadron collider to get an accurate measurement.
Weapons and armor all look really cool, but with the constant upgrades to armor and weapons that you get, it almost becomes pointless. Many weapons have their own specific model, many are just reskins, but usually you'll find that your characters appearance changes frequently, without a real model viewer or an ability to close up on your character, you'll find that the majority of the time you'll be forgetting pieces of armor rather than admiring them. While this is a neat feature to be able to have many different types of models for weapons and armor, it doesn't really make a difference in the end game, so a feature that could have been fun, if explored more in depth, is passed, but who really cares what he looks like anyway? I mean, I'd dress him up in a paris hilton mockup outfit if it gave me superior stats.
Storyline..
Now, don't crucify me, just because I don't know Norse Mythology. There's nothing on the box, no kind of warning at startup, that if you don't fall in to this small number of people who know, or are at least familliar with Norse mythology, you're fairly much boned as far as understanding what in the hel (lol) is going on.
Basically, you're Baldur, son of Odin, except not. you're Baldur, some crazy ass bionically advanced human being who is the son of ODIN.. which I can only guess is some kind of ghetto ass machine that fuses kitchen appliances into people.
Now what sort of cybernetic gains might you have, now that you're part of the borg? try nothing, yup none whatsoever, except you have some cracks in your skull that emanate light beams and keep your ass up at night while you're trying to catch some shut eye because you gotta beat up some trolls in the morning.
Anyway, back on topic, you're cybernetic Baldur, and Hod just recently killed you and your wife, why? because he thought you were Loki of course!
You have to be a fan of day time soap operas to enjoy this, I tried to get into it, seeing Loki's daughter was a fairly shocking experience, as well as those oracles, I don't want to give away too much, but some of it was fairly interesting, but that doesn't mean I knew what was going on.
as far as believability goes for this game, it's right out the window, this is a very scifi/fantasy title, where some of the technical advances don't make sense. But I mean, we can accept Halo and Super Mario Bros and Hyrule, so why not this?
Mostly because to understand it, you need to know Norse mythology, or at least be familliar with it. Because of all these things, this game is horrible, I'd rather swim through ten thousand yards of elephant shit that's on fire, and take a salt bath afterwards than play this game again.
I mean, this game is shit. Fuck you Dennis!
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