Victory, Triumphs? Hah!

I relapsed today.

A day that I should be happy, and I feel sad.

my friend managed a breakthrough in her relationship and is expecting high amounts of change.

she has also told me about how irresistible I am.
And that she told her man that she has contemplated rooming with me.

I should be happy if not for the first reason then for the second two.

But it appears as if my friendly little courting run, has come to an end.
As I sit here, in my pitiful existence, wondering what could possibly be wrong, that nearly a week ago I was beaming with confidence, happy, and couldn't remember the last time I viewed pornography, and even cooled off on masturbation.

a wreck

I am going to smoke a cigarette and try to keep myself from doing anymore damage.

I told my friend that I was rooting for them to break up, because it didn't seem like he was going to change and that all he could do was hurt them and hurt them, and hurt the family.

but I saw him today, and he seemed cheery almost.
it was peculiar.

I found out I was right on some theories I had about him.
maybe once things settle down, if I don't make it in the computer industry, I could become a relationship counselor.

I feel dangerous.
I feel like raising trouble.

When I was a young boy
Growing up in the ghetto
Hanging out on corners
Singin' with the fellas
Lookin' for the cute chicks
Trying to find a bit of fun
Looking for some trouble
From anyone who'll give me some

I was young and crazy
In the ghetto
Didn't know what my life would be
In the ghetto
I was dumb and oh so lazy
In the ghetto
Something had a spell on me
In the ghetto

You wanna know what I'm talkin' bout?
Talkin' 'bout ghetto life
Ghetto Liiiiiiiiiiiife
You wanna know what I'm singin' 'bout?
Talkin' 'bout ghetto life
Ghetto Liiiiiiiiiiiife

When I was a young man
Kind of free and fancy
Met this little cute girl
She said her name was Nancy
She had pigtails to her shoulders
She couldn't have been much older
She taught me what I had to know
To make a girl not want to go

She was very kinky
In the ghetto
She laid her pigtails down on me
In the ghetto
And I was feeling oh so sneaky
In the ghetto
I had to see what love could be
In the ghetto

I knew it all along
That my game was strong
But I was wrong that time
I knew I had to pray
And give myself away
Did you think I was man enough?
Yeah
Did you think I was smart enough?
Yeah
Did you think I was strong enough?
Yeah
Did you think I'd work it out?


So I'm going to ease up a little bit, I suppose.
I'm too charming and romantic.
And even though I might get something that would be fun, I would not get the love and relationship I would want.

So it's a lost cause.
Who needs 5 kids running around anyway?

Yeah, that's what I'll do, make jokes about it.
that'll put the fire out
that'll solve everything

despite offending

I care deeply for my friend and her family.
And she cares for me, she's been a reader of my blog for a long time.
She's helped me through a lot of tough times, behind the scenes.

But she loves a Dustin who is me.
And only likes the me who is me.

So tomorrow, after I drop my kids off at the day care, I'm going to pick up my friend brendan and we are going to go looking around.
Friday, my band is having a Dance Dance Revolution stomp out at Castles And Coasters.

Going to rock out with our cocks out.

ok, maybe not.

Brendan has been upset, because the band hardly practices.
He really wants us to make something of ourselves.
I'm happy just to have a day to go and make an ass out of myself and let out some of my creativity.

It seems I've bottled so much of it over the past years.


my job is going extremely well
I was the call champion last month, I took in the most calls of the whole center, over 1k
Also, I won an award that entitles me to free lunch
and I'm getting a $165 bonus at the end of this month.

I enjoy driving my new toyota.


I can't stop thinking about my friend, I wish she was mine.

It seems to people my age, I'm too weird, too clingy, because I don't want to just date and goof off.
I have my children to think about.

I want to be with someone who knows about children, is good with them, and much more.

my friend is brilliant

smoke time.